Boss

Isa  na naman bukas na liham para sa kanya.

Hayaan mong simulan ko ang sulat na ito sa pag sasabi sayo na "mahal kita".

Pero alam kong hindi sapat ang salitang sinabi ko para manatili ka sa aking tabi.
Malungkot isipin na alam mo kung ano ang pinag daanan ko dati pero hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit inulit mo iparamdam sa akin ang sakit ng pakiramdam ng iwanan ng taong minamahal. Saksi ang blog na ito sa lahat ng pinag dadaanan ko sa buhay kabilang na ang aking kabiguan.
Noon, tinanong mo ako kung bakit lagi ako ang sumusuko sa taong mahal ko..
ang sagot ay dahil ayokong malaman at maramdaman na ako ang iniwan kaya inuunahan ko na lang.

Sa pag dating mo, sinubukan kong ibahin ang pangyayari.
Sinabi ko sa sarili ko na hindi kita susukuan, kaya naman sa una nating pag hihihiwalay.. kung natatandaan mo.. ikaw ang nang iwan. ang katwiran mo aayusin mo ang sarili mo. Naniwala ako.

Tatlong buwan ang lumipas,, bumalik ka.
Akala ko noong panahon na yun,, maayos na ang lahat para sa ating dalawa
Yun pala kaya ka bumalik ay dahil ipinag palit ka nya sa iba matapos mong alayan sya ng pag kakataong makasama ka sa habang buhay.

Nadurog ako, paulit ulit.
Gusto ko mag wala, umiyak at manumbat pero alam kong wala akong karapatan.
Sa pag balik mo sinubukan kong mag simula muli kasama ka. gusto kong kalimutan lahat ng nangyari at nag desisyon akong patawarin ka.

Limang buwan ang lumipas na tayo ay magkasama.
Naniwala na naman ako na maayos na tlga ang lahat.
Na sigurado ka na sa akin at ayaw mo lang mag commit kasi natatakot ka.
Muli,inintindi kita kahit ang sakit sakit na.

Ngayon.. hinihiling mo ulit na tapusin na kung anu man ang meron tayo.
paulit ulit akong nadudurog. paulit ulit nasasaktan.

Ilang "chance" ba ang kailangan kong ibigay para maging tama tayo?
Kailan mo ba makikita ang mga sakripisyong ginawa ko para sayo?
Sabi nga ng kanta "wala na akong maibubuga"
Ang tanging hiling ko lang naman dati sumugal ka.
Hindi un magiging madali pero kaya ko ipangako sayo na kasama mo ako at hindi kita iiwan.
Pero natapos tayo at ang dalawang taon nating pinag samahan.. Bigo na naman ako.

Sayo ko nalaman at naintidihan na totoong "love is  never enough".
Ngayon malaya ka na mula sa akin...
Hindi na ako aasa na babalik ka pa.
Gusto ko lang naman maging masaya..
Kahit anong sakripisyo ang gawain ko para sayo at ilang ulit ko mang sabihin na mahal kita..
Kailangan ko na sigurong tanggapin na hindi ka susugal.
Hindi moko paninindigan.
Hindi mo aayusin ang sarili mo.
Babalik ka lang sa kanya.
At baka hindi nga tayo para sa isat isa.

Foolish

How can i be so foolish to believe in you again?
I have given you all of me.
I fought hard to keep you, over my family, my friends and even my own job.
I wanted everyone to see that there is goodness in your heart.
Everyday i try to convince my self that you love me the same way that i have loved you.
But everything is a lie.
At the end, this 2 years of being together is a lie.
My greatest fault is to believe in you.

Quote 101

"In the end, it's not about who broke your heart. It's about who mended it. It's not about the times you put your self esteem in the hands of others. But instead, the days where you knew your worth. It's not about those who let you down, but rather those who always held you up. It's not about how many people who desired you. It's about the ones that valued you. In the end, it's not about all the times you were called beautiful, it's about all the days you felt it."- Unknown

Situationship

Soon everything will just be memories and before that thing happen, I want to write it down so I can always remember the lessons I have learned from one such heart breaking moment in my life. I know that some things are better left unsaid.. but there are time when those things left unsaid,,, are the words that torn one's heart into pieces.


It was over a year and half  ago when everyone has been telling me to avoid  being involved with you but i never minded them.. For me.. everyone deserves a chance to be part of my life. 
So we become friends but people don't look at our relationship the way we do 
and before I knew it.. I fell into your trap.

I start fooling myself for a temporary type of happiness.
As we continue seeing each other, its like I am digging the hole for my own grave because I am inviting a future heart break. But let me tell you this: it wasn't out of convenience at all. You are not my "in the meantime" guy; I just believe that you were the one but it was just not the right time. 


We entered what I call a "situationship"
We became attached but with no clear commitment.
The whole point of us being together is to support  and help each other but what was happening is the exact opposite.
We are just literally together but  have different dreams.

I never saw myself as piece of puzzle in your life. You never referred to me like i had a role to play in your life. I never knew exactly who or what I was in your life. When all  I needed was an assurance- that you were just as invested in US just as I was, the more I got stuck in the grey area because clearly, no matter how much you tell me you love me, you cannot give me that one thing that I want- COMMITMENT. 

And when you told me that you want all of this things to end.. I immediately say yes. I decided to be selfish and ultimately choose to love myself and my own happiness. I could have hurled so many hurtful words but I decided to be silent and say just a simple yes as I slowly see my world collapse in front of me. Just when I prayed and thought that you will be  the person who will take all the pain away from my past.. it just so happen that you will  be just another   guy that will inflict a new pain in my heart. When I thought  that I am learning to trust and love again,, you just suddenly drop a bomb and let me torn into pieces.

Now, I am starting to live my life without you, its not easy but  I sure believe that I can get it through.  There may never be a proper closure for our situationship but I would just like to say that everything I felt was real although I may never know how you truly feel for me.