kape at pandesal

madilim pa ang kapaligiran
nang ako'y magising sa umaga
napangiti sapagkat mukha mo ang una kong nakita
ang saya sa pakiramdam na malaman na ikaw
ay masaya
habang patuloy kang nahihimbing sa ating  kama
pagbangon ko'y agad kong hinawi ang nakatabing na kurtina sa bintana
nais kong masilayan ang liwanag na unti unting sumisilay ngayung umaga
ako'y saglit na tumahimik at umusal ng panalangin
nag papasalamat at ikaw ay ibinigay NYA sa akin
upang makasama sa mga darating pang mga sandali
akoy dali daling naghanda ng agahan
ang paborito nating kape at pandesal
na pagsasaluhan sa balkonahe
habang sabay tayung naka harap sa silangan
magkasamang haharapin ang pag sikat ng araw

Photo from: http://shadowness.com/RedRed/tam-awan-sunset-2

two.years.

I've been dying to write about this thing for the past couple months.
Its about my success and failure in the field call love.
A field where i succumbed and fight for my life or shall i say my pride.
 Since  I was a child, i was dying to be a better one or be the best.
 In a circle, I know I am not the prettiest but i am sure I am  one of the smartest.
 However, once I started grow old, Ive realized so  many things.. like
 I was never really smart in a thing we called love.
 Two years ago, i fell inlove with  a guy,
 He was my rebound guy.. but he didnt  make me feel that  our relationship was for convenience
 For the first few months, when I was with him, I was actually thinking about the one that got away
but he waited patiently  and believe that time will come that id be thinking about him.. only him and I did.
Finally, after a year, i was able to feel that im into him.
 his simple gestures and care made my heart felt.
We reach the point where  we became inseparable.. literally.
I thought  he is the one..... it never occurred to me that id loose the  person who made me feel special, loved, and cared about.
We  had plans. but in a blink of an eye. everything is lost.
Just when i was sooooo inlove with this guy.. he broke my heart into pieces.
I gave him everything ive got. choose him over my friends and even put him first over my own family.
He was my priority,  he became my world
and just when we were about to celebrate something special,,
I learned that he grew tired of me, and replaced me with someone he barely know.
he chose thrill over the trials that we've won over.

and now two years had passed but i still feel that i can never be whole again.
i became obsess with the word love as i am allergic to it.
and God knows when I will be whole again..

FWB

come and be with me tonight
lets own the world  with all out might
hold me close and dont let me go
i will do anything that you want me to

what ever  we have is more than enough
i could be happy just having you by my side
although what we have is more than friendship
but less than a relationship,  i can never ask for more


you are the only one that i have
your passionate kiss  makes me loose my mind.....


 to be cont...

one strange relationship

i met him sometime 2009
he was the type of person whom you'll  think as snobbish

i felt that he’s like a woman trapped in a man's body
not that he's gay  or  bisexual because i know damn well that he's not. 
but he is just way  tooooo meticulous to be a man.

we are two different souls  that ended up in each other's arms
people know that we are friends- yeah that's what they thought.
yet, they rarely see us together 
and in reality, we'll  actually have late night coffee sessions
we'll spend breakfast, lunch and even dinner
we'd smoke or drink some
but  hell! nobody knows it except the two of us..
hmm sounds like a kept woman but definitely, NO IM NOT.

occasionally, he'll come to my one- room apartment
we'd talk about things, anything under the sun-  sounds cliché? yes
he's the type of person who likes to talk about himself- NARCISSISTS? 
I dunno, perhaps, perhaps perhaps
Its all about his accomplishments, his work, some friends but never about his family 
and i didn't dare ask why he never shared that story.

he said he didn't believe in love
he always say that he is so busy with work
that i doubt... cause he has some spare time for me
or should i say that once in a while he devoted his time
to be with me.,, to feel the warmth that i could give. 

we are like kindred spirits

two people that’s so scared to be tied up

we are alike in some ways or another

the same reason we are making this work

its like having a boy friend literally and figuratively

But once in a blue moon, i want to end this one strange  relationship
my diploma is  enough proof that i am and should be an intellectual person
reality tells me otherwise. i am a fool,,, a complete fool.
surely i am not dumb but i never had the courage to end my foolishness,

I am obsess with love as i am allergic to it,
and this is what I called an irony.