Situationship

Soon everything will just be memories and before that thing happen, I want to write it down so I can always remember the lessons I have learned from one such heart breaking moment in my life. I know that some things are better left unsaid.. but there are time when those things left unsaid,,, are the words that torn one's heart into pieces.


It was over a year and half  ago when everyone has been telling me to avoid  being involved with you but i never minded them.. For me.. everyone deserves a chance to be part of my life. 
So we become friends but people don't look at our relationship the way we do 
and before I knew it.. I fell into your trap.

I start fooling myself for a temporary type of happiness.
As we continue seeing each other, its like I am digging the hole for my own grave because I am inviting a future heart break. But let me tell you this: it wasn't out of convenience at all. You are not my "in the meantime" guy; I just believe that you were the one but it was just not the right time. 


We entered what I call a "situationship"
We became attached but with no clear commitment.
The whole point of us being together is to support  and help each other but what was happening is the exact opposite.
We are just literally together but  have different dreams.

I never saw myself as piece of puzzle in your life. You never referred to me like i had a role to play in your life. I never knew exactly who or what I was in your life. When all  I needed was an assurance- that you were just as invested in US just as I was, the more I got stuck in the grey area because clearly, no matter how much you tell me you love me, you cannot give me that one thing that I want- COMMITMENT. 

And when you told me that you want all of this things to end.. I immediately say yes. I decided to be selfish and ultimately choose to love myself and my own happiness. I could have hurled so many hurtful words but I decided to be silent and say just a simple yes as I slowly see my world collapse in front of me. Just when I prayed and thought that you will be  the person who will take all the pain away from my past.. it just so happen that you will  be just another   guy that will inflict a new pain in my heart. When I thought  that I am learning to trust and love again,, you just suddenly drop a bomb and let me torn into pieces.

Now, I am starting to live my life without you, its not easy but  I sure believe that I can get it through.  There may never be a proper closure for our situationship but I would just like to say that everything I felt was real although I may never know how you truly feel for me.